The Lesbian, The Corset and The Crossdresser

I originally enrolled in Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies at Cardiff University then added Creative Writing as there were too many spare hours in my week. 

That one sentence probably reveals more about how different I am from majority of students than the rest of this paragraph. A doctor or a social worker would probably use phrases like ‘being on the spectrum’ or ‘high functioning Aspergers’ to explain how I am different. I am not sad for being different, I am sad for them being the same. I like being organised, have a full diary, not have surprises and have a lecturer who tells me, more or less, exactly what is expected.

Hardest of all was paying my way through college, with so many students chasing too few jobs I fell into a vicious circle of one poorly paid part time job following close on the heels of the one before. It was the local boys that gave me an idea that I hoped to adapt and make regular money, my angle was so simple I could not believe that I was the first in college to come up with the idea. 

Guys from the local rugby teams had hit on the idea of providing beefy escorts to accompany college girls to dances or clubbing — the girls got a hunk to do with as they wished, in return the boys got cash, free food, free drinks and were, I imagined, only too willing to provide extras. The guys waited around beneath the statue of Aneurin Bevan in Queen Street every Thursday lunchtime.

My plan centred on the idea that there might be girls in college who just needed a no-ties ‘plus one’ rather than a muscle man with octopus like arms. Just before our canteen closed I slipped a handwritten note on the canteen notice board:-

Male student (18) — available as plus one for social events, etc. Reasonable price. CV on request. For details email….

Coffee break next morning I sat at the closest table to the notice board, it hung right alongside where people queued and my note was attracting more attention than all of the other notices combined. To a single comment all of that attention was bad. One group after another pointed, some took photos, all laughed and ridiculed. I was waiting for the queue to clear then I would sneakily pocket the note, my idea had been idiotic, I was thankful I had hidden behind an anonymous email address.

Before I could remove the note an email arrived:- please send CV. Are you free Saturday afternoon?

Not sure what attributes would make me suitable I listed my academic qualifications, favourite authors, height and weight, shoe size while keeping it vague enough that it could be any 18 year old male student who wore a tie. I added confirmation of availability and mention of the hourly rate completed my reply.

My first booking was for a walk in Bute Park followed by afternoon tea when Angela’s parents visited Cardiff, next came an evening barn dance with Arwen in a village half hour away, then clubbing with Dorothy. I listed booking after booking in my diary, for an Aspie these events could not have been better. 

The girl would take me through an extensive ‘when mum asks, if dad says’ list of scenarios and tell me exactly how she wanted me to respond. Suddenly I was completely at ease in the sort of social interactions that had always been a mystery to me. With my list of clear instructions committed to memory I almost felt like a reporter in an interview situation making sure every bullet point was correctly ticked off.

I gave up flipping burgers until 3am, I was charging by the hour at a little more than twice minimum wage, I was making enough money and, with enough sleep, my grades were better than ever. My note had been taken down so I put a new one up one evening, it was replaced with a warning that personal notices were forbidden. I was getting plenty of repeat bookings and even recommendations, the notice board had served its purpose. 

I had escorted Arwen a few times, a dance, a meal with parents, a family party, various events but always to the village in the valleys where her family lived. Most people, especially by a second or third booking, would introduce me as their ‘boyfriend’. Arwen was different…I was her friend from college, she would flirt with the local boys, be cold towards me, tell anyone who would listen how I was not her type then at random times dance close, whisper in my ear or demand a cuddle before reverting to type. Not that I cared — Arwen was purely a business transaction.

Almost without me noticing I had moved from the geeks table in the canteen to the table where Arwen and the other girls from health and beauty sat. The other geeks had no idea about my secret business and my clients, who appreciated my discretion, were not about to spill the beans. My fellow geeks were in awe at my sudden popularity with the opposite sex. 

Also without noticing I had begun to occasionally socialise with Arwen — not dating just hanging out, arriving early for a booking, going for a coffee if we met in town…that sort of thing. It was on one of those occasions when Arwen outlined what she next wanted from me. She offered a generous weekly fee and in exchange I was to end all chaperone duties for a couple of months, perhaps longer.

The offer sounded appealing, financially I would be better off, much better off especially as summer break was only a month away and Cardiff would be a student-ghost town until autumn. My plans would be unaffected as I was staying in the city and my chaperone business could resume autumn semester.

“It’s to act as boyfriend in public” Arwen said “the full monty — holding hands, shy glances, kissy kissy, sharing food, a completely exclusive boyfriend experience…that’s it. No sex, making out, not even any unnecessary close proximity in private” Arwen held up her iPhone.

I was confused, not at her business proposal, nor at suddenly being asked to act as her full time boyfriend. My confusion arose when Arwen held up a picture of a blond girl wearing bikini top and shorts on a beach. If Arwen’s intention had been to confuse me then the picture of the V.V.cute girl was doing the business. I am always unsure when seemingly random events happen before me, I remained quiet and sipped my coffee. I was using a powerful technique Professor Watanabe taught in Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies. 

Lecturers on Arwen’s Health and Beauty course had not have prepared her to resist the pressure of my unexpected silence. Arwen said “This is Jill”

I continued the pressure, Arwen pouted and frowned.  

“Your new girlfriend” Arwen nasalised while using comically exaggerated air quotes  “I have told her all about you, she is joining Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies next week” 

It is unheard of for a student to join part way through academic year and, using Professor Watanabe’s frown technique, I waited until Arwen explained that Jill was transferring from another university explaining that Jill’s dad could arranged ‘things’.

———//———

Monday morning I watched as Jill took a desk a couple of rows away, she had a confidence totally lacking in me and immediately began chatting to a guy. Ever since Jill had walked into the room the idea that I would act as Jill’s boyfriend seemed surreal, perhaps I had dreamt the entire conversation with Arwen. I checked the banking app on my iPhone - the first weeks money was already in my account. 

During the lecture Jill continued to show a confidence that comes with being pretty, answering questions, offering opinions and generally being like a real life version of a ‘popular girl’ character in a third rate teen soap. Interpreting facial expressions is difficult if not impossible for me but I went with either excited or angry when other girls in class looked at her.

Arwen was waiting outside as the lecture ended, Jill and Arwen exchanged cheek air kisses then said “come meet the others…well you know Alex of course” 

“I do?”

Arwen laughed “he is a little shy at first” she spun Jill by the arm “Jill meet Alex”

Jill had an uninterested tone to her voice when she spoke to me and did not speak to me when we reached the canteen. I was getting mixed messages, she settled into talking with the girl next to her from health and beauty while ignoring the rest of the table and yet whenever I glanced across the table I would briefly see her looking at me before looking away. As she stood to leave I decided to speak to her “can I work with you for this weeks project Jill”

“No” Jill said before walking away from the table. The project was to interview members of the opposite sex about clothes. I had wrongly assumed it would be an easy way to begin my public boyfriend role. I waited until only Arwen and I remained at the table, she told me that she would be scheduling my contact with Jill then named a bar that where I should go at 10pm.

I nodded agreement as, with her usual efficiency, Arwen outlined various scenarios then added “watch for anything that seems unusual or out of the ordinary”. Unusually she walked away without saying goodbye.

Monday nights are quiet in the city centre and there were just a few drinkers in the bar when I arrived at exactly 22:00. Jill was sitting at the bar, a guy who I had often seen standing under the statue of Aneurin Bevan was talking to her. I ordered a mineral water and sat on a bar stool, I soon realised Jill was a little drunk and Aneurin Bevan statue man was making his moves on her. I heard her tell him she needed the restroom then stagger off, he waited, I read a news article on my iPhone.

“Hey Alex right?” Jill said as she leant on me, she turned to Aneurin Bevan statue man “my friend from college is going to order a taxi for me”

“I can take you home” Aneurin Bevan statue man said

“No” 

Just I had understood when Jill cut me short in the canteen Aneurin Bevan statue man accepted Jill’s dismissal before mumbling something about fucking students as he walked away. He was followed out of the bar by a man who left his drink on the table. None of what had happened so far seemed in any way unusual to me if I omitted having a girl leaning on me. I suggested we walk back to halls together, Jill told me that as she lived in The Bay she needed a taxi.

A 6 bus was at the stop about to leave, no point in wasting money, I helped her aboard, the man who had followed Aneurin Bevan statue man from the pub stepped aboard as the doors gave an intention to close hiss. Jill seemed to have sobered enough to walk alone by the time we destinated but I insisted that I walk her to her building. 

———//———

After several more meetings, I realised that Jill drank little but would act drunk to shield herself from situations. As lectures finished one day I became aware of one of our course mates making a move on Jill, nothing unusual there, several had tried before and received a cold ‘no’ dismissal for their efforts. Unusual was when Jill said “I’m seeing someone”

“It’s only a drink…he won’t mind” Course Mate said

Jill smiled “is that so?” a wave towards me “why don’t you ask Alex if he minds”

They both looked at me, facial expressions told me nothing, I thought of Professor Watanabe and evoked the power of silence.

Course Mate giggled as nervously as he would have if it were an ocelot staring at him “you and Alex…fair enough, sorry mate”

“You know that’s a little scary when you do that?” Jill said as she slipped her hand in mine as we walked to the canteen “bad ass Alex — who’d a thought it?” Over the weekend we did the usual things a new couple did, I had researched ‘what to do with a new girlfriend’ online and Jill seemed happy enough to agree with everything from Friday night cinema to a Sunday afternoon walk around the barrier to Penarth. 

Coffee break Monday morning I could hear Arwen together with the other girls from Health and Beauty ribbing Jill mercilessly from where I sat on the geeks table as if we were playing it cool the way freshly coupled couples did in a movie.

Lunch break Arwen insisted we meet outside for a coffee together, I sat sandwiched between Jill and Arwen on the park bench. Arwen did not pussy-foot around “what the fuck was that about?” I invoked the power, Arwen weakened after five and a half Mississippis “cinema, a meal, romantic walks, selfies, little kisses on her cheek. I told you I would be the one to organise”

Jill leant around me to speak to Arwen “chill Arwen, Alex was only trying to help” she explained about my research.

“You asked me to be observant” I smiled the way my mother did when house training a new puppy “You asked me about noticing anything unususal…is this the sort of thing you had in mind?” I took my iPad out, opened photos and begun scrolling through the photos from the weekend. I had marked up several by drawing around heads. A woman appeared in the background of several during our walk and the man from the pub was in the one I took in the cinema “why are you being watched Jill?”

“Didn’t I tell you they would do something like this Arwen?” Jill said then explained to me why I had been hired. Jills family’s views on same sex relationships dated from the Pleistocene time period “when Daddy found out I had a girlfriend he went ballistic, threatened to cut me off the pulled strings to get me moved to Cardiff uni. Fiona’s dad sent her to a college in America”. 

I looked at Arwen, she nodded “I went to school with Fiona. Your job is to…”

“…make them think I have ‘cured’ Jill ?” I asked using air quotes to add a jokey tone

“For a perfect gentleman you can be such a cunt” Jill said. I had not expected her to swear, nor to smile, nor to be kissed on the lips “It’s a miracle — I’m cured”

Arwen joined in laughing.

The private investigators soon became conspicuous by their absence. We would occasionally notice the woman at a club or walking past college as we arrived or left. Jill and I realised that the investigators were getting their information from social media.

Around college we feigned casuality the way couples do. As planned this only served to confirm to other students that we were more than fuck buddies, invitations to parties and nights out were always to Jill and Alex, when the girls chatted at the canteen table it was always ‘you and Alex’.

It was after a big group of us had a night out at Cardiff Bay that Jill invited me up for a coffee for the first time. At Jill’s request my arm was around her waist as we waited for the lift, Jill’s head was on my shoulder, we stepped into the lift and Jill pushed me away “we are not in public, keep your distance” I stood quietly the opposite side of the lift “she was sitting in a car”

I knew exactly what Jill meant, the night out was no secret, everyone had been talking about it on social for days and the private investigator woman had walked past the restaurant earlier in the evening. 

“Will you stay?” Jill said

———//———

I waited until I heard kitchen noises next morning before I opened my bedroom door, Jill called out saying that coffee would be a few minutes “have a look around”. When we arrived in the early hours I had gone straight into the bedroom. First off I checked out Jill’s bedroom on the opposite side of the hallway, it was a carbon copy of the room I had slept in right down to the bathroom. Next door along was a ‘family’ bathroom and opposite what I imagined had been the third bedroom which Jill had fitted out as a home office. 

Already feeling impressed I opened the door to the living area revealing a massive room, an expanse of glass faced me on the far wall and opened out onto a similarly size balcony. In the distance beyond Flat Holm Island lay the coastline of South West England. I knew the apartment was the penthouse but nothing could have prepared me for such seclusion or such a view. 

Jill handed me a latte “sleep OK?”

“You live here alone?”

Jill nodded “now that…” she flopped down on a sofa “the ‘secret agents’ “ Jill wiggled the fingers of her free hand while sipping her latte “know we are sleeping together they should start to back off” 

As we left college a few days later Jill asked me to meet her at the station that evening saying it was a surprise but to be party-dressed. I had expected a night in Bristol but we took the valley line and Jill carried a present “I couldn’t warn you…I know how you two share everything” Jill said “Arwen’s family are having a surprise birthday party for her”

The party was just like any night out pre-Jill with Arwen. She flirted, ignored me and said to anyone that would listen how pleased she was to be free of me now that I had found a girlfriend.

It was all light hearted, as much as Arwen dissed me Jill responded by being more Lovey-Dovey, so much so that I nearly began to believe in it myself. Arwen was outside, deep in conversation with a group of students as we left the party. Jill was the subject of Arwen’s secret sharing “…and Jill is going to ask him to move in”. The others shushed her as we said goodnight.

“The drink is making Arwen take our act too far” I said as we sat opposite sides of the carriage on the train back. 

“Just scene setting — walls have ears even in Merthyr” Jill smiled and said how she had wanted to ask me that very question for a while “well the bedroom is spare and it would save your rent plus ‘real couples’ do live together. Think it over” she said as she wiggled her fingers.

I tried out my room again that night and moved my clothes in the next day.

Sunday I was first up, I fired up my laptop as I waited for the tea to brew, I could hear the shower in Jills bathroom, her phone rang ‘number withheld’

“Jills Phone, Alex speaking…” I silently cursed myself as I explained she was showering. I knocked on Jills door and called out “your Mum on the phone”

“We are studying together” Jill began then told her mum that I was ‘the’ Facebook Alex. I sat listening on headphones to an interview on my laptop I had recorded for college at a low enough volume that I could still monitor the one-sided telephone conversation. “…well Alex is renting the spare room” Jill listened for a few seconds “don’t read more into it mum. Daddy cut my allowance and money is tight…I’ve gotten a little behind with my card” she listened again “I will…I’m sure you will like him”

Jill smiled “hungry?” I nodded “book a taxi to Alt-yr-Inis, christmas has come early” 

———//———

To much of the world we had become a real live-together couple. I agreed to Jills suggestion either of us could bring back one-nighters more for her sake than mine as I had never been that way. Reading between the lines I sensed that although it was over Jill still had some feelings for Fiona even though a girl would stopover on occasion when her buzzing lover no longer cut the mustard.

“You ever thought of having a one night stand” Jill said one morning as she shut the door behind her overnight guest “you know plenty of girls would jump at the chance of fucking someone like you”

For my part I find social relationships enough of a challenge “I prefer to remain in do-it-yourself mode” I said with a nervous giggle.

“Not even with Arwen?”

I blushed “we are not that sort of friends”

“Really? Are you sure?”

Thankfully Jill changed the subject mentioning that we had been invited to a christening then, without pause, switching right into talking about course work. We had been discussing starting a YouTube channel based around street interviews. Professional video equipment was available on free loan from college and we had the skills to make quality films.

We would listen through all of our old audio interviews then make a list of people we could approach for video interviews to get us started. “You review mine, I’ll review yours” Jill suggested.

London was a formal affair, we took the early train up arriving in plenty of time for the christening, Jill’s parents had insisted we stay the night and during the journey Jill looked as nervous as I felt. For once the silence that we often wore around each other seemed stifling and we began talking about the video project. I had a couple of ideas, best one was an elderly lady that Jill had attempted to interview about a politician, the old lady had turned the conversation to how Cardiff had altered since she was a girl. Jill nodded as I outlined my idea saying she had completely forgotten about her. 

“I know she will be keen, that is one definite. How about Veronica?” Jill said “she seemed really comfortable talking to you”

I remembered Veronica, it was one of a series of short interviews for a project about how long people kept their clothes, bad purchases, favourite items, etc. I nodded in agreement. Veronica is ‘he’ I said invoking inverted commas “stays at Travel Lodge once a month to enjoy crossdressing, not a local, I expect he might be agreeable”

“He sounded comfortable opening up to you, I’ll do camera” Jill smiled “why did you stop the recorder when he was talking about getting started crossdressing?”

“He was getting way off topic” I could feel myself start to blush

“No other reason?”

Jills parents were really friendly. As Jill had said, they were just happy she was with someone with a penis. The apartment in Kensington was even more impressive than Jill’s apartment in an establishment sort of way. Twelve of us sat down to a formal dinner that was cooked by a chef and served by waiters. “You two are in the room next to ours” Jills father said when the evening ended. As we sat alone drinking tea Jill let her nervousness show “they have put us in a double” 

“It is a test” I said, Jill nodded and peered into her cup of green tea as if the answer to the test would be revealed by tealeaves “and my creative writing class has given me the knowledge needed for you to pass with A’s”

I lay on top of the quilt for a while then said “are you awake?” at normal volume, I repeated the question while poking Jill in the ribs, after a pause I leant close to her ear and whispered my plan. We settled into a rock, rock, rock, rock sex rhythm. Jill began to moan, I whispered “surely that’s too soon”

Jill giggled and whispered back “how do you know?…you listen? you bastard…”

I giggled into the pillow then, a while later, we began our sex noises. 

Next morning while Jill showered I masturbated into a wad of tissues. I was just making a tell-tale mark on the sheet when I noticed Jill watching me while her lips formed a giant O. 

I whispered “the final piece of evidence…a fuck footprint and now the room smells of sex”

“That smell is…” Jill turned up her nose as she pointed toward my groin. I nodded.

———//———

Audio, video or written interviews for college projects must be accompanied by a release form, I found the one for Veronica, phoned and left a message. Jill did the same for Gwinyth. Jill and I worked together on the list of topics. With me on camera and Jill interviewing we completed Gwinyth’s video interview the next day right in The Hayes.  

“One thing worries me” I began, Jill looked up from her iPad as I explained my worry about video interviewing Veronica “his makeup is a bit, well, sort of…”

“inexperienced?”

I nodded “exactly…I don’t want give anyone watching the video excuse to ridicule him in any way”

Jill went back to editing Gwinyth’s video “if he phones back offer a free makeover as a thank you”

Arwen agreed to help and with two others from the health and beauty course went to Travel Lodge, styled Veronica’s wig, did nails and makeup. Jill and I met Veronica in the public area of Millennium Centre, Arwen hung around during the filming ready to fix any makeup issues and two of Veronicas friends from a bar in Churchill Way watched silently from behind the camera.

Buoyed by her friends and the makeover Veronica was in high spirits as he answered all of our questions and chatted on as if he was having coffee with a friend. Once filming was complete Jill promised to send a copy of the finished video.

“And have a think about trying what I said…just for a weekend even if you just stay indoors” Veronica said as he air kissed my cheek “and you have Arwen to help you look…” he gestured to his face “divine”

In typical student fashion we named our YouTube project ‘The YouTube Project’. First off we needed a stock of videos before we would be ready to launch a channel. Jill was on cooking duty, she clattered around in the kitchen as I surfed for content ideas. As we ate I began a list of interviews that could provide suitable content. Jill deftly wrapped a big chunk of tofu in kimchi with her chopsticks, dipped the parcel in soy sauce and fed it to me “we can film you when Arwen does your makeover” Jill said while I was still silenced by the parcel of food in my mouth “and I will interview you asking how it feels — we post it before Veronicas…no I’ll cut on Veronicas suggestion straight to Arwen starting your makeover”

“Not sure that is a good way to start a channel Jill, it will attract the wrong demographic” having swallowed I had plenty to say “starting off with two posts about crossdressing makes it hard to move onto general interest subjects, besides, a normal man would just feel stupid prancing around in a dress”

“Normal? You sound like Daddy” Jill frowned “never thought you would make assumptions like that”

“Normal was the wrong word, I meant someone that had no interest in wearing women’s clothes. I mean clothes designed with a female wearer in mind”

“You are so easy to wind up” Jill smiled as she took the iPad from me “you are right” she giggled “could end up being some sort of crossdressers channel” a YouTube played for a few seconds, she skipped, a few seconds of video, skip and so on. 

Jill began a face time, turned the iPad so we were both in frame, Arwen answered “Hi Jilex” she giggled, she had been drinking “it’s a portmanteau” her words slurred “inseparable Jill and Alex Jilex or should that be Alell” 

“We are not even a couple” I said

“Call you back when you are sober” Jill said

“What you want Jill and ‘not even a couple’ Alex?”

“When can you do Alex’s makeover for the new crossdresser video?” Jill said

“Monday, need to piss, must go”

“Wait, wait I need number of someone in Drama”

“Text you” FaceTime disconnected.

“You already discussed that with Arwen without speaking to me, my answer is no” I began using the power of silence, before it could take effect Jill stood and walked off. I called out “I won’t make a fool of myself” as she shut the door to the study. I could hear her talking for a while then silence descended over the apartment.

One cooks, the other cleans up — that is the rule. By the time I had loaded the dishwasher and tidied I had calmed. I imagined Jill saying sorry for upsetting me, I opened the door and asked if she would like some coffee. With pencil and paper Jill was manically storyboarding as YouTube quietly played “be out in five”

An hour passed before Jill finally put a pile of papers face down on the coffee table, she made tea for us both then sat thigh touching close next to me on the sofa. She began by saying that no-one  would make a fool of me, the video would centre on a man investigating crossdressing with the intention of discovering the attraction. Jill moved on to summarising subscriber numbers, view count, advertising revenues and earning potential.

This was no mere storyboard, Jill had prepared a full pencil and paper presentation. Jill is a far better artist than I, as she worked her way through the sheets one by one her skill began to convince me. A sketch of a woman with my head sat at a desk, the strap-line ‘The Crossdressing Reporter’

———//———

Jill was wearing me down. I had been through every pitfall, Jill refuted each of my points and even dismissed my main objection:  “I would always be seen as a weird crossdresser”

“When I spoke to Drama they said actors changed character frequently…and that the gender of the character is unimportant. And what is being on YouTube if it is not acting?” Jill looked out toward the distant Devon coastline like an actress in a 1950s black and white film “in exchange I will agree to anything you ask, tell me what have I got to do for you to say yes?” 

“Come to my home town and make everyone believe we are a couple” 

“Phew” Jill theatrically wiped her brow “I thought you would demand sex or a blow job” 

Jill held out her hand, I reached part way 

“is it too late to add sex and a blow job?” I laughed “no, forget that, I read online that sex between a man and a lesbian is illegal”

We shook hands. Jill said “like we did for Veronica I want to make sure people do not laugh at you. Arwen is coming Monday to do makeup, you can wear a dress indoors for a few days then we can talk about making the video”

“Veronica suggested I try it just for a weekend - 2 days”

Jill smiled “that’s exactly what I meant, take some time to get used to everything then try it for a weekend”

“Outside? You mean here?” I swept my hand across the city “where people know me”

Jill agreed it was a bad idea, made reference to Veronica avoiding dressing in his home town. “If you decide you want to do it we can book a hotel room in London where you can change, even if anyone realises it will not matter…my treat”

I liked the way Jill left the final decision up to me and relaxed. It is only clothes I told myself, neither the apartment nor the outside space is overlooked. With six weeks until next academic year I reasoned that a few days really do not matter. “College years are for experiencing life, now that I have decided yes I am feeling scared-excited at this new experience” I giggled nervously “with the emphasis on scared”

“We could paint our nails right now if you want” 

“Before I change my mind?” I laughed. Jill painted my nails, toe and finger, first. That felt quite awkward, when my turn to paint hers came I felt myself blushing “this seems really intimate” I blurted out. 

Jill nodded in agreement, like a chameleon she matched her face colour to mine “I’ve only done this with girlfriends before” her face now looked like a Sahara sunrise. 

Now that I was about to, temporarily, join their ranks I researched crossdressing that night. Forums, social and blogs seemed to have more in common with fetish than reality and so I watched Jills video of the meeting with Veronica then the video that Arwen had sent of the makeover.

Arwen struggled through the door with a sizeable case on wheels, I was hiding from the corridor behind the door. She was earlier than anticipated and Jill was still dressing. I wore a loose summery style dress Jill had selected saying “this is the biggest dress in my closet” as she handed it to me.

I wore my boxer shorts beneath and house slippers completed my crossdressing experience.

The case opened out into what looked like a cross between a mobile artists studio and a collection wizards vials with potions inside. Brushes in a selection of sizes and containers of various colours filled all visible space. 

Arwen said the light was better near the window and set up shop there. She began busying herself with my brows, the style would be  ‘defined but natural’ reassuring me many men had that exact same style. 

Suddenly, as Jill walked in, Arwen squealed “oh my god — nail twins, toes as well” she stopped plucking and shook with laughter. Jills face remained unreadable “shall I make you face twins as well?”

Much of the makeover seemed to be taking a brush seemingly identical to the previous one, waving it in a pot then waving it near my face. Finally she moved her attention to my lips and applied lip plumper then matte colour with a brush “they will stay full for about twelve hours” 

Jill nodded as she looked at me “you won’t recognise yourself Alex. Did you bring hair?”

My mind wandered as they talked, I was thinking what a palaver women go through, my thoughts moved onto the stories I had read during online research ‘they make such a thing about getting aroused by having someone doing their makeup and I don’t feel a thing’. Arwen was still, staring at me with an odd look, I glanced at Jill, she began to laugh, Arwen joined in “what is so funny?”

Why did you say that?” Jill said “that stuff about getting aroused?” I blushed as I realised I had vocalised my thoughts.

Arwen giggled “brought a blonde one incase you wanted to be hair twins as well” She lifted the wig in place and began arranging it.

“The hair is touching my neck and face” I said pulling at the wig. Aspie me was in danger of a full blown burnout “take it off” I chanted. Once calmed I explained how hair on face or neck was a problem and both Arwen and Jill apologised. I remembered to smile before I said “no need to apologise, it’s me not you”

“So hair cannot come over your eyebrows or shoulders?” Arwen said, I nodded “then we will have to go with a pixie style wig, I think there is a dark one in the studio. I’ll bring it over tomorrow”

“Thanks” Jill and I said almost in unison

“You two must be the most coupled non-couple in the ‘Diff” 

In my bathroom I checked out my face, the change was quite remarkable. I took a picture then cropped it leaving only my face. Using an anonymous account I posted a survey on social ‘man or woman?’ Then returned to the living room where Arwen and Jill were drinking tea. “Amazing, you truly are a wizard” I said to Arwen, she smiled slightly, her nose wrinkled a little and her eyes narrowed fractionally. About to bite or pleased I guessed and settled on pleased, her kiss on my cheek confirmed I had made a correct guess.

I held my iPhone up to reveal the one hour result: 17 girl / 0 boy. Jill and Arwen hugged.

“What are you wearing under my dress?” Jill said

“My boxer shorts”

“I’ll pick up something suitable when I bring the wig” Arwen said “enjoying being crossdressed Lexi?”

“To be honest I can’t see what the attraction is” I said “I might look different on the outside but inside I feel the exact same as usual” I smiled as I knew I was about do revoke the absolute “apart from the feel of the dress brushing against my legs and the breeze moving the hairs on my legs. That is why I don’t wear shorts”

“Then you should shave them, lots of men do” Arwen said and Jill confirmed her statement by nodding.

———//———

I was feeling nervous. Arwen had just buzzed the entry phone and I was thinking about the mystical references that had flown around both the apartment and my thoughts. I had called Arwen a wizard and she was going to put a pixie’s wig on me.

Nothing felt in any way mystical as I let Arwen in and I relaxed a little and then completely as we three shared a pot of relaxing tea. Rather than yesterdays wheeled case Arwen brought a makeup bag and two carrier bags, as she handed me the smaller carrier she said “put this on” and smiled at Jill.

Inside the bag were a pair of plain white womens stretchy briefs, I stepped out of my boxers and halfway on realised Arwen had selected too small a size “too small” I called out from behind my bedroom door. Arwen burst in, I tugged the hem of my dress down.

“I have seen it all before” Arwen said reminding me of her brothers. She gripped the top of the pants and tugged “panty girdles seem tight at first” and as if she really did possess wizard like skills the pants settled into place. Without a moments pause she tugged the top away from my body and plunged her hand in and begun arranging my cock and balls to her satisfaction “perfect” she said as she lightly brushed her hand over my cock beneath the thick panty girdle. 

Jill was staring at my groin area with wide eyes as Arwen said she would ‘do my face’ first, a much quicker process second time around. As she pulled the wig in place she told me I should practise with the makeup she would leave.

I said “that’s lush that is” using Louella’s accent as I checked the mirror. Arwen and Jill burst out laughing.

“Say something else” Jill said 

I complied and went through my repertoire of Welshisms then said that I found it easy to imitate Louella’s accent and voice. She was one of the girls that we ate lunch with.

“Keep the accent this week” Jill said

“Easily sounds like a girl” Arwen said

I decided to enter into the spirit of the experiment next morning, set an alarm early enough to put on panty girdle, dress and makeup. Checking the time I realised I had been over an hour and I could hear Jill up and about. I stepped out into the living room, Jill had, for some unknown reason, the look that she gave when trying not to laugh at one of my jokes before she invariably snorted then brayed like a donkey. The snorting and braying continued, her hand shook and her tea spilt.

“I am so sorry Alex” Jill was still making noises that a sensitive donkey would find offensive “I feel so wicked for laughing, please go wash it off” she mopped up her spilt tea and tears of laughter with a tissue “perhaps you could change, but keep your panty girdle on, I wanted to take you out today”

Jills father had relented, or perhaps her mother had influenced him, regardless of which Jill had been paid all of the money that had been cut from her allowance. She told me that she wanted to take me to Newport to a shop recommended by Dramas’ costume department, the shop specialised in supplying pantomime adding that we should get the underwear incase I decided to go to London. Spending money seemed a pointless expense as I felt that I probably would not be going anywhere outside the apartment. 

Announcing my doubts to Jill could wait until I was sure. 

The shop was an old-fashioned ladies wear shop with a window filled with white underwear of the style that my grandmother might have worn. Jill introduced herself reminding The Sales Assistant how we wanted for me to be able to pass as a woman for a college project in her telephone call. The Sales Assistant said that men often came in with some improbable reason for needing to wear lingerie then went on to explain she was a trained corsetière and specialised in fitting garments for ladies who have had surgery. She paused, looked me up and down and said “step into the changing room, keep your panties on” 

I stepped in and The Sales Assistant pulled the curtain closed, she continued talking to Jill “do you mind if I ask is it your idea?”

“Yes’

“Now I understand” The Sales Assistant said ‘what size breast forms do you require him to wear?”

I heard Jill reply nothing too big, perhaps A cup, no larger than B, then The Sales Assistant continued explaining that the forms she suggested were designed for ladies who had undergone surgery, they had an identical weight and movement to a natural breast and allowed the skin to breathe. There was a pause, a drawer opened and closed “these are perfect for him as worn with an unpadded bra the lifelike moulded in nipple will add a sissy look to him, are you thinking of a uniform for him?.

I held my breath, I had seen mention online of men who liked sissy role-play. I felt relieved when Jill said “Oh no, we only wanted to explore crossdressing” 

The curtain swished back and The Sales Assistant got busy with tape measure “nice and slim” she announced with a smile “I’ll soon have you in shape”  closing the curtain behind her The Sales Assistant left, more drawers opened and shut and a selection of corsets and bras were discussed “the beauty of putting him in an underbust corset is you can have him small B cup one minute and a DD the next by simply changing his bra. This bra has pockets to hold the forms securely” 

I could hear a hint of uncertainty had crept into her voice “a corset is necessary?”. 

“Essential” The Sales Assistants voice lowered to little more than a whisper, too quiet for me to hear anything apart from odd words. I could hear the sort of enthusiasm in Jills voice that she had when talking about a new lover, but The Sales Assistant was a generation older than us. It must be something else I surmised.

 

Once again the curtain opened and The Sales Assistant held a corset in front of my body. She clipped the metal fasteners together then held it in front of me as she explained to Jill how the busk showed through some clothes then said she would show her the training corset that she recommended.

The second corset already had its laces fully loosened, I was instructed to step into it, immediately I could feel metal bones all the way around. The Sales Assistant said this one cannot not be undone at the front which meant the wearer could not remove it. The Sales Assistant began to take up the slack in the laces, I could feel the tightness restricting my breathing “I cannot breathe properly”

“Be quiet, you want to be mistaken for a woman, you need to have the body shape” The Sales Assistant said as she continued to tighten the laces “turn around” I had my back to the curtain, the curtain opened and The Sales Assistant demonstrated to Jill tying off the laces “tuck the ends in like this, pull the flap over, zip it closed then the lock goes through here” 

Click

The Sales Assistant spun me around to face Jill, I glanced over my shoulder, in the mirror I noticed the small padlock as she said “you see, a training corset without a front busk means there is no risk of him misbehaving” I felt a tug at the bottom of the corset “suspenders hook through these loops”

Jill was smiling as she nodded “does it fit…is it comfortable?”

Before I could answer The Sales Assistant said “No point in asking him, it fits perfectly, I’ll close the curtain while I fit the bra then the big reveal, the finished look” she brought a bra in and closed the curtain “put your arms out” she fastened the bra, settled the forms in, moved behind me and adjusted the shoulder straps then swished the curtain back. 

“Just like real breasts” Jill’s eyes widened, she smiled “so realistic…look in the mirror…do you like your Lexi look?”

Again I had no chance to answer “he will want bigger breasts, they all do” The Sales Assistant  sniggered “wait there…Lexi”

As The Sales Assistant’s back was turned I widened my eyes at Jill then I mouthed ‘no, get me out of here’ several times. Jill repeated her wide eye look, smiled and said “my word…that is a perfect look, better than I had dared hope for”

“When you dress Lexi for the day you can fasten her bra to the corset like so…go up on your toes” I complied “now drop back down” the weight of the forms tugged at my shoulders. The Sales Assistant continued ignoring me and talking to Jill “see how realistically they move, see how the nipples show through his bra, will you have Lexi will wear everything home?”

Jill shook her head “no, I do not want Alex to wear a bra outside today”

“How do I remove this corset?” I said

“Let me take your bra off Lexi, your mistress said nothing about your corset therefore you will wear it, now get dressed as quickly as you can” The Sales Assistant said “don’t forget what I said, keep him corseted at all times”

Jill smiled at me, nodded “I will, I promise”

“Do you need stockings?” 

———//———

 

Jill laughed as we walked back to the train station “what a strange woman”

“And so bossy”

“Even I was frightened to say no” Jill was still smiling “so you had no chance”

“I thought she would make you buy a uniform at one point”

“What would you have said if I did?” Jill laughed “would you have worn it?”

“No way”

Jill snorted then brayed like a donkey, she laughed so hard she stopped walking “I think you would say ‘I’ll try it but I am not wearing it out’ I don’t think you have ever turned me down for more than 5 minutes”

“Surely the corset is totally not needed so why did you buy it?” I said when Jill calmed

“It wasn’t the plan, I wasn’t going to buy you a corset, only a bra and falsies, but you looked so scared when The Sales Assistant locked you in I couldn’t resist” Jill giggled “and she had some great ideas for little games…did I pick up the keys to your corset?”

“And the forms? Wouldn’t some tissues be enough?”

“You need to be passable and to get the feel for crossdressing. Underwear makes a woman…imagine the surprised look on Arwen’s face when she sees you fully dressed”

I joined Jill in laughing to hide my nervousness  “must have cost plenty, a lot to spend for two days”

“Perhaps four…?” Jill raised one eyebrow.

When I asked for Jill to unlock my corset that night she said “Keep it on, you can take it off while you shower in the morning”

By Friday morning we had a routine. After breakfast Jill unlaced my corset, I showered then she laced me back in. First day I hated the corset, it pinched, I could not breathe, could only eat tiny amounts of food but today in the shower I found myself looking forward to the feeling of being corseted. And although I would never tell anyone I had grown to like the way the bra felt and the way the false breasts moved as if they were real. 

It sounded ridiculous when Veronica said crossdressing was a great hobby, after four days I was starting to think that I might enjoy the hobby. I had a plan. I would not go to London at the weekend. I would go back to 100% man and keep crossdressing as an occasional hobby in the apartment. 

“If you are staying I’ll order in lunch” Jill said when Arwen phoned “I’m not saying” Jill said as she ended the call.

“Not saying?”

“Arwen asked if it would be Alex or Lexi” Jill smiled “can I help you? I really want to surprise her” I nodded agreement “then I’ll do your makeup when you are showered” She said that her makeup would not be quite upto Arwen’s standard but way better than mine. 

As I finished my tea Jill ran to her room and held up a dress that she said would look great with my corseted waist. Then she asked me to shave my legs and armpits, I used the power of silence.

“Please don’t be a spoilsport” Jill pouted “we bought the stockings already and your legs will look so much better in the new dress I bought you…please, pretty please”

“When did you buy that?”

“When I was in town” Jill measured my waist then smiled “waist is a full inch smaller than yesterday, comfortable?” I nodded agreement as I picked up my bra, “no time to spare, Arwen will be here soon and I want to test her reaction to your complete Lexi look”

It would be Arwens first visit since Jill bought my entire outfit.

I stood while Jill rolled stockings up my legs and fastened them to my suspenders. I could feel myself getting close to a burnout, suspenders touching my legs, and my legs felt strange. I sat on the stool ready for makeup. Sitting perfectly still I began to calm “can I sit silent with my eyes closed while you do my face and hair?” Jill knows I need quiet periods sometimes, she smiled and nodded. 

I was mostly back to normal when Jill held out the dress for me to step into, she guided it over my shoulders and closed the zipper. As I turned the dress swished against my thighs, it felt different through my stockings, good different…I was going to be fine. “It is shorter than the other dress” I said in my best Louella voice.

“You have been practising?” Jill added a rising infliction to make sure I understood it was a question. “Even in house slippers your legs are to die for…why would you want to hide them?”

Jill went into her room and returned a few minutes later wearing a similar length dress “see 3 or 4 inches above knee looks cute”

———//———

I thought Arwen’s eyes would pop out as I opened the door, I smiled and mumbled out a ‘Hi’, I had noticed that standing next to Arwen was Grace, her best friend from Merthyr. I had met Grace plenty of times when I chaperoned Arwen, we had even chatted. 

Without a pause Arwen leant in and kissed my cheek “Lexi this is my best friend Grace”

My mind raced on as I chatted away thankful that I had been practising Louella’s accent and voice, Grace was behaving like I was a woman that she had never met before. Jill phoned in an order to the local Chinese restaurant, as it was warm and sunny we ate lunch on the balcony. My heart was in my mouth every second as I waited for someone to call me Alex and the three would burst out laughing at their joke. 

I began to relax as, meal finished, I made tea while Jill loaded the dishwasher “you are looking calmer now” Jill whispered “having fun?”

“You knew Arwen would bring Grace?” I whispered back

“Are you cross with me?”

“Does Grace know?”

“Nooo. Stay in character” Jill leant in “we wanted to see if you could pass for a while, now it’s too late to tell Grace, she might think we had ganged up to play a joke on her”

That exchange apart Jill was behaving real odd toward me, short answers, avoiding speaking directly at me and looking away if our eyes met. When I said to no one in particular that Jill and I had talked about going away for the weekend I had expected Jill to be excited. Instead she blushed and looked into her teacup.

“Where will you go?” Grace said

“Undecided, perhaps London or Bristol” I said

“Bristol is a real party town” Grace said, Arwen laughed and in unison they said “party, party”

Early evening Arwen and Grace ordered a taxi, they had plans.

I took the opportunity to speak first  “what was the silent treatment for?”

“Remember my side of the bargain?” Jill said, I must have looked confused “our agreement, in exchange for you trying out crossdressing I promised to…and I quote…’make everyone believe we are a couple’ well, my new girlfriend Lexi meets my old friends for first time — that is how I am —shy and cute” she leant in and kissed my cheek “are we going to Bristol public girlfriend?” 

I could not fault her logic, Grace would think Jill and I were a couple just as I had asked.

We stayed at the Leonardo Hotel, walking distance to the shops and nightlife. As neither of us drink much we had a leisurely walk around the harbour, watched the rowers, enjoyed the mid-summer sunset then took a taxi back to a club. I realised as soon as we stepped out of the taxi that it was a club that Jill had been in before. “You have been in character since Friday lunch…” Jills hot breath in my ear made me shudder in a good way, by the time she had finished telling how strict the female only policy was I wanted to feel her leaning into me and her breath on me forever. 

“I’m not sure I am in a party mood” I whispered in a whiney Alex voice. It was not the club that scared me but what I was feeling for Jill. 

We were at the front of the queue, Jill stood close “just a few dances?” We danced sort of together but apart, I began to relax. I noticed Jill had a telephone number scribbled inside her wrist as she danced near me. I came to my senses, out of the whole club I was the only one Jill would never be with. 

“Remember when The Sales Assistant was whispering to me” Jill said as we walked back to the Leonardo, she giggled, Jill was a little tipsy “where I had you corseted” 

“I still am”

“She was telling me what goes with corseted men” Jill went into a full braying laugh “besides lesbians” I tried asking her but she had begun rubbing at the telephone number and asked me to help “I may be in a dry patch” there was obviously a silent part to the conversation that lived inside her head “that’s right, I don’t need that number…we’ll go there before we leave”

“Go where”

“The toy shop, I’m hungry, do you think room service?” Jill seemed to be talking herself drunker. 

Sunrise had long since passed, breakfast time had almost passed. “Hiyamugi in nyumen?” I said

“The way to a girls stomach is through her heart…lead on Lexi”

We checked out and hopped in a taxi, Jill gave the driver the name of a road I did not know, said we wanted to stop there for a while before going to the train station. The driver knew where we were headed, he pulled straight into the small warehouse carpark. We walked into a big adult /sex toy showroom. 

“What do you want to buy?” Jill said

“I’ll wait in the taxi, it will be less embarrassing for you”

“I’m not embarrassed and nor should you be” Jill giggled as she picked up a basket “how about a vibrating fanny?” She linked her arm through mine the innocent way two girls do as she slowly browsed “my favourite vibrating pants are broken, I really miss them” Jill added a new pair to her basket adding a few toys as we neared the counter “are you sure there is nothing you want?”

“Really, nothing” I leant in and lowered my voice “and why would a girl like me be buying mens toys?”

“You either ask for and buy a vibrating cunt or you have to answer yes to every question when we get to the counter”

“If I refuse?”

“I will out you to every person we meet starting with the guy behind the counter and ending with the concierge at our building” Jill said.

I felt nervous, we would meet a whole bunch of people before I reached the safety of our apartment. 

“Did you find everything you needed?” The Sales Associate said

“Yes thank you” I replied. Jill smiled and nodded.

“Would you like some lube?”

“Yes please” I replied

“Is there anything else I can get for you”

“Yes” I glanced at Jill, I could feel myself blush, I could see her smirking, I looked around the shelves as if I was searching for something.

“Look” Jill pointed down at the glass topped counter “were you looking for these Lexi?” Even her eyes were smiling as she emphasised ‘Lexi’.

“Yes” I said

The Sales Associate took a plastic chastity device out and placed it on the counter.

“How does it work?” Jill said 

“Would you like me to show you?”

Jill looked at me, I said “yes please” The Sales Associate walked off and returned with a soft cock complete with balls, he stuck it to the counter and proceeded to place the squishy rubber dick in chastity.

“Being plastic it looks more like a toy than a chastity” Jill said. 

The Sales Associate indicated to each model displayed in turn, finally he took a box from a drawer “this is the top of the range, easily concealable, USB3, charges in minutes, battery lasts for a week, completely waterproof. He looked proud. Bluetooth enabled, and you can give your man pleasure or pain at will. You can control him with the app from anywhere in the world.

“Remember when I mentioned someone told me what goes with a corset?“ Jill said

“Yes” I was thinking that I had an idea where this was heading, I had seen mention of chastity devices online. A week ago, even two days ago, I would have been horrified at the prospect but since trying, and secretly come to enjoy, crossdressing I felt ready to give chastity a try.

“This model would need to be paid for then fitted in-store. It is quick but quite a skilled job” The Sales Associate said as he inspected Jills fingers for rings “you would need to bring your boyfriend in”

“Roommate” Jill corrected, she turned toward me “shall I buy it Lexi?” She smirked and raised an eyebrow.

“Yes” 

“Are you really sure?”  Jill picked up the box and began reading “unless…” she let ‘unless’ hang over me.

We were playing a game, it was time to gracefully concede. I dropped back into Alex voice “Yes, really sure” smiled and raised an eyebrow “are you able to fit it for me now?”

The Sales Associate said “no problem” as he took Jill’s debit card. “You can get the app while I fit the chastity” He handed her a card from the box “just scan the barcode, it’s automatic”

Jill ran her hand over the front of my skirt before we left the store “no one would ever know Lexi” In the taxi I saw or, more like, felt a new side of Jill as she brushed her hand over my groin once more.

I had met a friend, spent the weekend crossdressed without ever receiving a second glance I suggested we eat out when we arrived in Cardiff. Jill said “you are so much more confident than Veronica” she blushed as her fingertips discreetly brushed my knee beneath the table “I’ve been dreaming about having you in chastity since the corset shop” she glanced away “do I freak you out?”

“Why would you even ask that?” I said then smiled as I added that I had been a perfectly normal Aspie until my lesbian pretend girlfriend had corseted me, taken me out in public wearing false breasts and tricked me into a chastity cage “all perfectly normal things — what is there that could freak me out”

Jill glanced around then leant in and helped herself to a full on lip-kiss, the first time she had invoked tongues. As we broke off I felt a burnout bubbling up inside me, I went to the restroom to calm. Sitting in the cubical it hit me, our business agreement had changed epically and I needed to understand. I would talk to Jill at home I whispered to myself, ‘Jill and Alex need to talk…Jill and Alex need to talk…’ I silently chanted over and over as if Alex were a different person. The immediate risk of burnout had passed. 

———//———

Jill looked at her iPhone “Arwen is shopping, shall we find her?”

“How did she know we are back in Cardiff?” I asked even though I knew the answer

“Social”

“Have you seen anyone watching recently?” I waved at my body. I felt certain Jill picked up on the implication straight off but I said “us - getting home together” to make sure. I would go home by bus, Jill would arrive later.

“you could buy a coffee in Coffi Co” Arwen and Jill giggled as they waited with me. Arwen held up her iPhone and said “are you brave enough to drink it sitting outside”. 

Jill poked her arm then quietly said “don’t Arwen, Lexi is nervous enough”

Arwen was in teasing mode “I want to see a selfie or else Alex”

I nodded as I said OK and stepped on the 6 bus, Jill waved goodbye, Arwen sniggered.

Out of the two of us I am more technically minded, back at the apartment I took out my registration card that Jill had given me, scanned the bar code and the app downloaded automatically. ‘Welcome to Chastity’ appeared on the screen as marching ants marched. I gave the app access to wifi, bluetooth, scratched off the foil from the card and entered the security code. 

While he was finishing fitting the chastity The Sales Associate explained that the battery was inside the part that remained in place if I was released, it controls the rest of the chastity. He had warned that ‘forgetting’ to lock myself down when instructed could become a shocking experience.

‘Charge now’ flashed up, on my iPhone, relaxed on the sofa with a cup of tea I plugged myself in. I was feeling really pleased with myself as I waited for charging to complete. Not only had I been out crossdressed I had traveled from the city centre alone, bought a coffee and sat alone outside a cafe right here in Cardiff. I fully understood why Veronica enjoyed crossdressing.

My iPhone pinged ‘there’s a good girl…’ Arwen messaged about the selfie I sent. A second message ‘charging complete - Begin Calibration?’

I was too tired to fiddle with my chastity. We had not bothered locking my corset over the weekend so I unlaced myself, showered and lay on my bed while I waited for Jill. The lack of sleep had caught up with me. Next morning I awoke to sounds of Jill busy in the kitchen, my boxer shorts seemed different, too flappy around my legs, my trousers felt different against my shaved legs. I slipped my feet into house slippers, pulled on a Tee and followed the smell of coffee.

Jill smiled “hi…you must be Alex” we both laughed “you ditched your corset?”

I said that I needed coffee and a chat adding that I could not lace myself back in. Jill asked if that was the only reason or if I was done with crossdressing. “Feels sort-of funny not wearing my corset and bra”

“My corset, My bra, that is the first time you have called them yours. Does that mean you might have a new hobby?”

“Would that be alright?”

“More than alright” Jill said 

“Then yes, a new hobby - part time hobby, right?” I said Jill was chewing toast and nodding agreement as I explained how, as I sat in the cafe, that even alone I felt really relaxed about being crossdressed in public. I surprised myself when I suggested that we could still go out as Lexi and Jill some weekends or evenings when term started.

“There are videos online showing how to lace yourself, we can get a hook fitted in the wall” Jill skipped to her room then came back with a VS carrier “then you might like these, they were on offer buy two get three” the bag felt empty, I guessed it would contain panties even before I put my hand in “hipster style, they will be more comfortable than a panty girdle with your chastity”

“I’m going to visit Arwen and Grace in Merthyr, probably be back mid morning tomorrow. Lexi is welcome of course but I thought you might prefer some alone time to ‘Begin Calibration’ calibration might take a few days to complete if you stick to your normal routine”

“How do you know that?” 

“Well…you listen to me” Jill blushed, explained that her app had notified her about calibration. 

Making a mental note to wank in silence I said  “Shall I have lunch ready for you?” 

Jill kissed my cheek as she left.

Calibration was a four stage process the app informed me and outlined the process. By accurately calibrating I would be able to receive fully automatic arousal and automatic reward wanks, I understood why Jill had suggested I be alone for calibration. I wadded up some tissues in preparation.

‘press to commence calibration’   

a background of scantily clad women scrolled

‘press when arousal begins’

‘press to begin masturbation’ 

‘press to indicate point of no return’ 

‘press to stop’

My cum filled the wad of tissue. Marching ants briefly filled my iPhone screen then it flashed up ‘calibration 1of 5 complete’ 

Whoever invented my wanking chastity was a genius, it felt a million times better than anything I could manage, cleaning was a breeze and it felt so comfortable I imagined forgetting I was wearing it. 

I managed a second a while later, then a third before I showered for bed. Number 4 was easy next morning. The strange thing was even though my chastity prevented an erection I was morning-wood ready as soon as I awoke.

‘bringing anyone to lunch?’ I texted, then ‘just need number’ 

‘Only me coming’

‘Smiley face’

‘4 ! ! ! ! already’

Jill knew! I felt mortified, hearing each other masturbating sometimes was embarrassing enough but her getting a text!  How would I face her I asked myself, the solution came to me — it was Alex who was calibrating, I would be Lexi by the time Jill arrived.

The corset…I quickly did a search online, I could hook the laces over a door handle, as I read I picked up some corset related phrases. 

I ran my fingers up and down, pulling out loops of laces and, eyelet by eyelet, fed the surplus laces to the loop over the door handle. Working by feel behind my back was taking forever, careful  to keep the laces tight I unhooked myself from the handle and tied a knot then closed the flap over. I checked the clock, I needed to speed up. I pulled up my panties and set to trying to fasten the bra…”damn bra, I need to practise” I said to myself then laughed at the idea of a man needing practice putting on his bra as I settled my forms in place. 

Wig came next, then the dress that Jill had bought me, if the bra had been a challenge then my dresses back zipper would be a test for whatever the opposite of an escapologist is. Hot and tired I had no time for stockings, I shuffled into my house slippers.

 

I was feeling pleased to have finished dressing when Jill texted ‘there in 10’ I checked over the lunch, salad ready, just pasta to boil when she arrived. Then it hit me — I had forgotten makeup.

I wandered into Jill’s bathroom and explored the plethora of pots, tubes and jars. I had neither time or skill set for full makeup and decided that lip colour would be enough. I spotted ‘lip plumper’ like Arwen had used and smeared it on then sat down for a piss. 

Checking the mirror again I could see the lip plumper was not working, I slathered on a thick layer which dried in seconds, no change, another layer but still no change. I admitted defeat and brushed on a layer of matt lip colour, for once it went perfectly. I smiled, blinked, finally the lip plumper had worked a little.

I was back in the kitchen feeling really pleased with self when Jill arrived. Her eyes widened, she smiled and kissed me on the lips “you look nice Lexi, have you been here all day?”

I smiled, my lips had begun to feel a little tingly, like when novocaine is wearing off “I think Alex was a little embarrassed about a text you sent”

Jill picked up where I was headed straight away “he was blowing up my phone, could not believe it, 4 times in a day” Jill forked up a knot of pasta, chewed slowly as her eyes moved over my body “even with just lippy…well, would you like makeover after lunch?” 

I nodded “Hope you didn’t mind me using your lip colour”

“Of course not, I see you remembered plumper ?”

“Had to use a couple of coats” I said “what happens once calibration is complete?” 

Jill shrugged as she took a fork of salad then mumbled “surprise, will Alex complete later?” through the lettuce. 

Jill was in a strange mood, she hardly spoke as we sat at the dining table while she applied my makeup, with a brush in her hand she paused “did you read the instructions on my lip plumper”

“No, I was short of time”

“Thought so, it takes forty minutes to work, lasts around two days” Jill laughed gently as she said she had no idea how much I put on but two hours later they were still plumping, Lexi might have to be here tomorrow. She told me how the corsetière had told her about using a corset or chastity to dominate a man and asked how I would feel about her doing exactly that. 

She giggled “Well I already have you corseted and in chastity part time, don’t say anything now, research it yourself then let me know” Jill finished my makeover and began putting things away “if you decide no we can still play chastity occasionally. If you feel awkward about asking me to be your Dom just complete the final calibration if you decide yes”

I stayed quiet as she asked, I felt unsure what to say next. Jill sat needlessly arranging her makeup bag. I was unsure who was using the power of silence on whom.

“Go sit on the sofa, I’ll make some tea and we can watch a film” I said 

Jill sat in the centre of the sofa, as I arranged the tea things she said “come sit with me today” wherever I sat I would be too close, having someone right next to me for that long would be inviting a burnout. We chose a film from the ‘watch again’ list. Dusk had arrived and we sat in the ever darkening room, Jill seemingly engrossed in the film, me unable to concentrate after Jill had asked me to decide. I wanted to get online, research exactly what I was saying yes or no to.

An hour into the film I thought Jill had fallen asleep, without me realising she now leant on me, her hand resting on my upper arm, her head on my shoulder “why did you have to be a man” she said quietly as if to herself. I do not like people that close, especially touching me. Weirdly I was enjoying Jill’s closeness, the weight of her on my arm and her head on my shoulder. I could feel my bra strap gently tugging at my shoulder, I glanced down. Jill was caressing my false nipple with her thumb.

As I shuffled in my seat slightly, Jills hand shot back “did you fall asleep as well?” I said.

“Good job we have watched it before” Jill said with a nervous giggle “felt really nice being curled up together, all cwtched up and warm”

“Mmmm” I moved slightly so I could see Jill in the light from the screen “does Lexi feel like a girlfriend sometimes?”

“Would that be OK Lexi?”

“More than OK”

———//———

Two days had passed since we watched the film. I had stayed in Alex mode, well a hybrid Alex I guess as I had worn my corset full time beneath my usual clothes. Without asking why the building handyman fixed a hook in place slightly above waist height in my bedroom. Whatever I decided about chastity my mind was made up that I would be a hobby crossdresser and a full time corset wearer. 

Jill had not mentioned chastity and it only made its presence known when it demanded a recharge and mentioned one calibration was outstanding still.

I was within hours of having read every single online article and story about crossdressing, corset wearing, chastity and domination. Not wishing to be unprepared I studied all aspects of female fashion from ankle chains to zebra print catsuits.

In true Aspie fashion I waited in the hall, no good morning, not a second to acclimatise, no smell of coffee. The second Jill stepped out of her bedroom I was waiting to orally pounce “I understand the chastity part. I am unsure how would it work if you are a Dom and I am sub” she could not have looked more surprised if I had been a talking Dog. I stormed on “show me Dominatrix Jill”

“Why the fuck is wrong with you?” She stepped back and, as if she had received an A+ grade at door slamming classes, slammed the door in my face “make coffee” she shouted from behind the door.

The first coffee went cold, I heard Jill’s door open, the apartment door open then slam followed by the ping of the lift doors. 

It was our first argument, if you could call it that. I had woken around 3am and Aspie me had fixated on the unsurities that prevented me from deciding. By 5 am I was showered, dressed and waiting in the hallway, I had needed an answer. 

While I waited for Jill to return I went into her room to made her bed and tidy, I would apologise when she came home and explain what happened. My phone pinged.

‘Lexi wait outside Chopstix at 1pm’

We often lunched there, it was student cheap and served big portions. I had plenty of time, time enough to make Lexi forgivable. I was ready apart from shoes and face, I had even managed to put stockings on. 

I messaged Arwen ‘busy? really need your help Lexi x’

‘Not busy’

‘Can we FaceTime?’

Seconds later Arwen called, I explained that I had upset Jill, she had stormed out and I needed a face. As usual Arwen was brilliant, I propped up the iPad and received step by step help. 

I was ready in every way, well every way apart from shoes. I saw that Jill was wearing the thong sandals I usually wore, they were the only shoes that fit. I opened the shoe cupboard and tried every shoe on, last chance was a box, black heels with a tiny bow on the back, red soles with worn once marks and two sizes bigger than Jill wore. 

I smiled as I stood by the door in them, checked the time - even allowing for the time on the bus I had a full hour to spare. Long enough to learn to swim, long enough to learn to ride a bike, long enough to learn to walk in heels. I closed the door behind me.

Taking it slow I made it to the bus stop with plenty of time to spare, that the shoes had begun to feel a little less comfortable was hardly worth a mention and my calves felt as if I was standing on tiptoe.

While watching for Jill I had been practising my apology in my head, I had missed her approach completely until she was about 2 metres away. Too close to loose the surprise I felt  before Jill examined me from head to toe, paused then raised her eyes to mine. She was arm in arm with a man of around thirty “Reginald, this is Alex”

Reginald seemed to be examining me in minute detail as we ordered, we took a table away from the crowd at the front of the noodle bar. “I have been excited to meet you, Jill has told me so much” his eyes continued to openly examine me.

I blushed and looked at Jill.

Jill smirked “is he cute or what” although she spoke to Reginald her eyes never moved from mine for a second.

“Confident in a shy way, cute sums it up”

Jills smirk remained, her eyes still locked on mine

Still unable to speak I took a Kleenex from the purse I carried and dabbed at my eyes before a tear fell.

“When Jill phoned…” Reginald began but Jill cut him off

“Thank you for helping today Reginald - Alex needed to be taught a lesson” Jills smirk morphed into a smile that spread to her eyes, I did not want to hear what she was about to say but my ears refused to stop hearing. “Lexi you might know Reginald better as Veronica” 

———//———

“I cannot believe you did not recognise him” Jill said after we had said goodbye “I need a cup of calming tea”

“And I don’t?” I said “Royal Arcade?”

Jill hooked her pinkie finger in mine, she explained Reginald had arrived in Cardiff that morning and he was super keen to see me crossdressed. We walked on in silence “are you beginning to get an idea what a dominatrix might do to her sub for fun?”

“How did you think that up?”

“The internet is full of ideas” Jill said as we sipped Oolong tea, she looked down at my feet,  giggled “I see my new girlfriend is wearing Fiona’s shoes, she said they were uncomfortable after a while”

“They are a little” I smiled “that was a coincidence Reginald being in Cardiff today”

“Of course it was” Jill looked like a panda that had lost a tomato and found a bamboo shoot.

We waved down a cab “The Bay” Jill said, turned to me “any money or cards on you?”

“Only a 20”

Jill held out her hand as the taxi turned right into Schooner Way “give it to me” I handed it over “pull over right here driver” Jill smirked, narrowed her eyes “get out, keep the shoes on”

The taxi pulled into traffic.

I had been walking for about 10 minutes when I heard a car approaching slowly from behind, the driver gave a cheerful sounding beep on the horn, ignoring the kerb crawler I remained eyes forward and walked carefully on. The car sounded as if it were keeping pace, the driver gave a second cheerful beep, again I walked on. I was feeling vulnerable, my dress felt too short, my false breasts too pronounced and the sound of my heels on pavement too inviting. The car stopped, driver gave the sort of angry sounding beep that reminded me of wasps avoiding a rolled up newspaper, again I ignored it and reached in my purse for my iPhone.

The car pulled into traffic, I lowered my eyes, the car stopped around 20 metres in front and the passenger door opened. Jill stepped out of the taxi and stood in front of me smiling “why are you ignoring me?”

I hugged Jill “I’m scared” I said, I breathed her in “please don’t leave me” Jill hugged me back loosely enough that I could end the contact when I needed, I smiled, she really did know my little ways.

———//———

Jill walked into the living room waring shorts and a bikini top “shall we sunbathe? Put that on after you shower” I caught the bikini she threw to me. I welcomed the chance to lay in the sun, my calves still burnt from wearing heels. Jill was rubbing factor 30 on her legs when I stepped onto the patio wearing the bikini bottom, she glanced up “put the top on”

“I’ll get lines, I tan really quickly…” I held up my factor 10 “My dark skin brown in minutes” 

“Do” Jill stared, silence stretched, “it”  she was using the powerful technique Professor Watanabe taught in Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies in a new way.

I lay in the sun “what if I have to take my shirt off? 

Jill shrugged her shoulders and lay down. I slipped in and out of sleep, complied with intermittent instructions to turn over, a shadow passed over me “iced gunpowder tea” Jill said  as she put two glasses down “do your legs ache?”

“So much” I shaded my eyes and looked up, 

Jill was pouring something in her hand “a massage should help” She began at my feet and began to work her way up, she giggled “you did your bikini line” giggled again “is it the sun or are you blushing?”

She was moving above my knees “it’s just my calves, my thighs are fine” I said. I could feel my cock straining at the inside of my chastity as it tried to harden, Jill had ignored me and continued massaging knee to groin. I had lost count of the number of days that had passed since my last ‘calibration’ orgasam, I would need to decide soon. Jill asked if I needed to piss “no, I’m fine”

“Look…is that what they call pre-cum?” Jill was pointing at my bikini bottoms.

I raised my head, she may not had experience of men but she had certainly done her homework, I tried to sound casual “probably, it has been a few days” the wet patch was small but spreading and I needed to cum, I really needed to cum.

“Might as well carry on up” Jill said as she added oil to her palm and moved to my shoulders, her hands worked their way to my chest, her thumbs slid inside my bikini top and brushed back and forth over my nipples, her eyes were transfixed on my bikini bottom, she tweaked one nipple and continued watching “you have amazing control Lexi, I would be screaming by now”

Jill sounded disappointed when I said that I felt nothing “there must be a way to fix them”

I laughed “they aren’t broken, it is just the way men’s are…well mine at least” Jill carefully replaced my bikini top in the exact same place. 

“Is today a sample of what being your sub would be like? Wicked and kind, good Jill and bad Jill?” I said

“You forgot pain and pleasure” Jill smiled “I have been doing a lot of research online, would you like a longer trial period? Lots of couples have a week trial”

“One week” I said

“Starting now” Jill said

As if having just signed a peace treaty at the end of a long illegal vendetta on a Mediterranean Island we shook hands.

Time had come for action “I need the bathroom” I said picking up my iPhone as I walked through the living room, with my chastity over the sink I stood on tiptoe to intensify what was about to happen

“press to commence calibration’  - I pressed

a background of scantily clad women scrolled

‘press when arousal begins’

‘press to begin masturbation’ 

‘press to indicate point of no return’ 

‘press to stop’

‘calibration complete”

‘2 auto masturbation tests required’

‘daily - weekly’

I clicked on daily

‘time”

I clicked 07:30 and stepped into the shower.  Jill tapped on the door. I was surprised when she called out “are we eating at home Alex?” 

Considering our agreement I took it as a polite instruction and dressed as Alex. Jill was excited as she cooked, to describe her as beside herself would not be an exaggeration. “I see you took the final step into chastity, not sure if I am more excited about that or our week trial”

“I wish it did not inform you, and it is only for a week” I said

“Our domination trial?”

“And chastity”

“Stop right there” Jill froze, her fork halfway from plate to mouth “we made a one week agreement for domination” She smiled, leant over and kissed my cheek “you unilaterally made a decision to enter full chastity”

 

———//———

I set my alarm. Time seemed to slow as I waited at the washbasin for 07:30. My iPhone remained asleep, my chastity surprised me by shaking once, I began to feel aroused like I was hard, I felt the tube that contained my cock begin massaging, point of no return passed, massaging continued through my intense orgasam then, right on cue, stopped. 

My chastity shook every few seconds.

My iPhone vibrated, the chastity app was waiting for my auto masturbation rating. I clicked on 9, anything less would have been mean.

I showered and made breakfast in my bathrobe, my guess was Jill would insist that I change as we had not made plans for the day. Jill called me Alex during breakfast, I dressed and returned to find Jill sunbathing “put your bikini on” Jill said without looking up from her book“I wish I tanned like you Lexi, just look at your tan lines” she made a big thing of positioning my straps in the exact same place “you don’t want blurred lines, they are the worst”

Being bossed around did not come as a surprise, it was day 1 of the trial period after all. I waited for her to mention my chastity and what had happened. By lunchtime she had not mentioned it, I decided to get the conversation out of the way “I read for a while this morning as I woke really early” 

Jill just said how glad she was that I had not woken her “please wear stockings with your corset today Alex”

“Are you and Lexi going out” I said

“Listen to what I am saying Alex, wear stockings not socks”

“Stockings and trousers feel strange” I said as we walked.

“Burnout strange or different strange?”

“Different strange, I’ll be OK” I hooked my pinky in Jill’s “thanks Jill”

“That does not mean you can use burnout as an excuse” Jill said as we took the ferry to Bute Park. 

I crossed my leg as we took our seats, Jill shoulders began shaking from silently laughing as a smile spread, a group of teenage girls were giggling, taking pictures. Way too late I uncrossed my legs. “Are you wearing my stockings again?” Jill said loudly enough for the teenagers to burst out laughing.

We sat on a park bench enjoying the evening sun, Jill asked my favourite ice cream flavour, bought a tub then sat next to me and began eating it “my boyfriend has good taste” her lips parted slightly as she held the spoon up and fed me. 

She took a fresh Kleenex from her purse, licked the corner, wiped my lips and followed up with a kiss. She liked her lips “Mmmm yummy. What’s my position among your girlfriends?”

Sitting on a bench beside a footpath was the last place I had imagined telling Jill that I had only had two other girlfriends “they are in joint 10 position and you are number one” 

Jill smiled, her eyes joined in and she lightly squeezed my hand. Although it would be of no importance I wanted to unload, I told her about how badly I had reacted the first time a girl had put her hand in my pants, how badly I had reacted to an attempted blow job “having someone else touch me there feels awful” Jill asked about how my chastity felt “almost better than me…”

As we walked home hand in hand I said how much I had enjoyed the afternoon, we sat on the sofa as we watched a romcom, it was late when Jill said “I want to see Lexi tomorrow” I nodded “be making coffee at 07:00, fully dressed including makeup”

“Can it be 8?” I asked, Jill stared “please Jill, just this one thing” 

“7…do it” Jill said as she closed her door.

Jill walked into the kitchen still in her bathrobe, she poured a coffee and lent back against the units. I was sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar facing her, she complimented me on my makeup, we chatted as if it were a normal day.

“I need the bathroom” I said at 07:20

Jill smiled “put your arms on the counter, do not move until I give you permission. Is that clear?” I nodded, Jill smiled “no moving but you can talk” then carried on chatting about going into town later. She lay her iPhone down, I recognised the logo of the chastity app, a counter counted down. As it began 9…8…7… Jill smiled and said “time to show me your sex face Lexi”

———//———

Jill received a letter from America, nothing unusual as Jill and Fiona often wrote each other long letters. Her eyes swiftly scanned over the two page letter. She suddenly let out a scream, jumped at me, wrapped her legs around me then hugged for what seemed like forever “Fiona is going to visit” Jill helped herself to a long kiss “she will be here tomorrow Alex” 

Jill had a million things all going around in her head at the same time, our games were definitely on hold as we slipped fully into roommate mode the way it had been in the beginning. As much as I did not want to be a third wheel I wanted to do something nice for them both and took the bus into town. I picked out two long Tee shirts the style that Jill wore as a nightie, they had identical bear designs to the front. After Jill had left to meet Fiona I slipped one under the duvet each side of Jill’s bed then headed out for the day.

When I got home around 11pm they were both sitting on the sofa, I joined them for a short chat over a glass of iced tea then went to bed. Jill and I had not mentioned Lexi. Even though I knew that Fiona knew about my crossdressing I remained Alex the next day as I quietly slipped out of the door while Fiona and Jill slept. Mid morning my iPhone pinged. 

‘why are you being weird???’

‘Just giving you alone time’

‘Visitor thinks you avoiding them’

I smiled, Fiona and Jill have this big conspiracy theory believing that their parents are tapping their phones. Fiona is so paranoid that she left her phone at her parents home.

‘Want company y/n?

‘Lunch?’

‘Sure’

‘Here 12:00’

I took a small box of chocolates for Fiona and a bottle of Jills favourite wine. I said that I had been catching up on some research at the library. Soon after I arrived someone knocked the door. 

Jill and Fiona were busy laying out cold for a buffet style lunch.  “Hi Arwen”

Arwen hugged Fiona, cheek kissed then they recounted old stories about school to Jill.

I sat listening and occasionally scrolling my iPhone.

“Jill has told me so much about Lexi” Fiona said with a smile “do you think I will meet her before I leave tomorrow Arwen?”

I glanced over at Jill, she nodded and smiled, Fiona saw the exchange and suddenly looked serious

“You all know Lexi is me - right?” I said as I felt my face starting to colour. Everyone politely laughed “shall I change for lunch?”

“I’ll do your makeup” Arwen said, turned to Fiona “does his makeup like a drag artist” she laughed “no offence Alex”

“Let Lexi do it” Jill said “I’ve been giving lessons”

“Then I will watch, I might learn something” Arwen said. 

I made a pretty good attempt at doing my makeup, Arwen added a few final touches then positioned my wig as I sat in my bathrobe. She mentioned that if I just kept my hair off my collar and let it grow out it would be easy enough to have a pixie cut that could be put into a mans style in minutes with the help of some gel.

“For fuck sake don’t wear Fiona’s dress” Arwen said as I took the dress from my closet that I wore the very fist time I dressed. 

“It was Fionas?” I said. 

Arwen swore me to secrecy then told me Fiona was pissed that Jill had given me her Christian Louboutin’s. “You two fawning around each other, blushing, not speaking like fresh-out-the-box lovers is making it worse” Arwen took the dress from me and took out my other dress out “put this on”

“After you have left” I said terrified of revealing my chastity.

“What have you got I haven’t seen before?” Arwen playfully pulled at the lapel of my bathrobe “brave enough to prance around in a dress…tan lines? What’s with you two?” she shook her head as she thrust the dress at me then shut the door behind her.

We ate lunch on the patio, it felt awkward initially when Fiona made some flattering remarks about Lexi to Jill as if I was not there. I kept the three of them plied with wine while I drank iced tea and the atmosphere seemed to relax. I went indoors to make coffee, I realised I had done too good a job of plying Fiona with alcohol when I heard her say “so Jilly has your roommate got a boyfriend?” she giggled.

“Don’t let his hobby confuse you, definitely not gay, I can vouch for that” Arwen said as I put Coffee and a bottle of brandy down. She winked at me “no brandy for me Lexi or you will have to carry me”

“Carry you where?” Jill said

“Lexi and I are going to Grace’s apartment” Arwen said

———//———

There was no meeting of Grace arranged, no apartment to visit. Arwen and I went out on the town. Mid week Cardiff is a much nicer place to think of than to be, we wandered from bar to bar until I put a squiffy Arwen on the last train home. I was awash with soft drinks and, as I wore sneakers, I took the scenic route for my walk home.

The argument must have suddenly kicked off around a hour past midnight or 1am as some call that time. Loud voices woke me then gradually rose in volume. Sounds of movement were followed by Jills door opening, I could hear crying faintly, a case being wheeled, the door slam closed then, from the hallway, Fiona ordered a taxi to London. The front door opened and shut.

I wrote ‘wake me if you need an ear’ on a post-it, stuck it on my door and left the door slightly ajar.

Next morning I lay in bed reading, I heard the sounds of Jill showering, her making coffee. She pushed my door open with her foot, put two coffees on my bedside “can I come in?” I nodded, Jill lifted my duvet and, fully dressed, slipped under the covers, I continued to let my eyes rest on the iPad. A woman had never climbed into my bed, I could see damp on her cheeks, I had insufficient information to know how to react but thankfully Jill guided me “cuddle” she turned her back toward me.

Jill began to quietly sob, I thought about how mothers calmed crying babies and wrapped her in my arms then shuffled close until we were like one weirdly shaped creature from toe to shoulder. I listened as her breathing slowed then acquired an intermittent soft snore.

Jill moved, raised her head “wake up, dinner time”

“You mean breakfast time” I said

“It’s evening, we slept through” Jill sat up, lifted the duvet, slammed it back down with her arm “you are naked - what the fuck Alex” She slid out and sat on the edge of the bed “if you ever tell anyone I slept in a bed with you I’ll kill you dead”

“First time?” I said, Jill nodded “me too” I laughed. Jill theatrically sniffed at her clothes and claimed to smell of a man’s bed. I laughed “the smell of sex, a man’s sex face and now mans bed smell - who’d a thought a lesbian would know all those things?"

“Are you not going to ask?” Jill said

“No - I’m ready to listen if you want to talk. No rush”

Jill picked up her iPhone “stand by perfect roommate” she smiled for the first time “here comes your reward” she closed the door behind her as I felt the chastity begin to arouse me ‘reward orgasam’ showed on my iPhones screen.

Jill was still dressing,  I was waiting for her in what we had come to refer to ‘Alex mode’. We were going to Merthyr for Louellas’s 20th party. I had been warned not to imitate her voice or accent. 

“Louella has a massive crush on you” Jill ejaculated. 

I sniggered, she raised an eyebrow “I struggle to mask and you can make random statements like that - just who is the Aspie here?”

“I had been thinking how awkward it would be if you returned her flirts — not that I care if you do, just not in front of me — we are pretending to a couple in public right?”

“Do you think Arwen might have told Louella about Lexi and my tan lines?”

“Of course not, hold on, when did you show her” Jill said “I mean WHY would you?”

“She saw them when she was warning me as I changed into Lexi” I said, Jill raised an eyebrow “warning me that we were looking like guilty lovers around Fiona”

“Oh”

“That’s why she invented a reason to leave” 

“Arwen is a good friend, she would never tell” Jill said, swallowed then carried “we were laying in bed, sort of half awake, enjoying a cwtch, I was going to whisper ‘I love you’ to Fiona” I waited for her to continue…”but I said ‘I love you Lexi’ “ 

Nearly two weeks had passed since Fiona left and this was the first time Jill had spoken of it and she had chosen the very moment we were due to go out to open up. I had no idea what to do, I could see Jill was close to tears. In films the hero steps close and hugs the sad heroine, I took my cue from Hollywood and parroted the hero exactly, she returned the hug and we stayed that way as if our whole world existed inside those four arms.

“…and what would happen if I said that to you…?” Jill said quietly

 

“I would reply I love you too” Jill tightened her arms around me, so tight I would not be able to step away but that was fine, I did not want to step away.

———//———