The Six Month Contract

Two things hit me as I stepped out of the uber - music and cold. The music that filtered out from the new years party was something so unrecognisably soft and slow I could be forgiven for thinking muzak outside of an elevator had been legalised. Breath-mist hung above my head like an empty speech bubble, from a distance I could be mistaken for a smoker sucking the last goodness from a cigarette whereas, in reality, I was waiting for music to entrance by. 

Walking in I purposely loosened the belt and let my long winter coat fall open as if I was taking time to adjust to the warmth of the room. Revealing my gold Zhivago sequin mini in the process was purely coincidental. A slow song ended and the pace picked up, something by Tove Lo began playing. 

I handed my coat and purse to the hatcheck, she handed me a long hard stare. 

I once overheard a man on a bus say ‘you only get one chance to make a first impression’ to himself. I paused as I recalled the bus ride while waiting for Tove to finish, waiting for my one chance. I pushed the swing door open as some were vacating the dance floor while those un-danced-out waited for more music. Just like Bo Burnham’s song all eyes were on me and, yes, I was fucking nervous. People wanted to see who arrived at a new years party this late, the door swung shut behind me. 

And as if I had requested it Kana Nishino’s Unzari began playing. And I danced like it was 2018. Sometimes alone and sometimes not I danced until the slow song time of night and joined the crowd at the bar, drunk or sober I was not about to smooch-dance with coworkers.

Anyway I am getting in front of myself, all caught up in the excitement - let me tell you how I got started at Grenwend Office Supplies…

———//———

“Time to put my acting dream on back burner” I said as I sat in Mr Grenwend’s office. I had no idea how many had gone before but I did know outside the door sat another half dozen applicants as needy as me. I played the honesty card “acting colleges turn out so many young hopefuls that five hundred auditioning for a part is not uncommon” I said by way of explanation as to why a trained actor was applying for a telesales job and why I had no track record.

Mr Grenwend asked what I could offer his office supplies company.

“Ability to start a conversation when things go awry and get back on track, I am a quick learner” I said. 

Mr Grenwend handed me a typed sheet “read that to me”

And I did, all those years learning scripts paid dividends, I scanned the telesales script, put it face down on his desk and made the pitch.

“What else should I know apart from what is here?” Mr Grenwend said waving my CV.

I needed the job but I did not need the shit that came would surely come if I held back  “well I am gender fluid, is that a problem?” Legally it is not but in real life things could be different. Mr Grenwend looked unsure so I plowed on “I might come to work wearing women’s clothes, mens clothes or a mix of both”

Silence stretched as Mr Grenwend considered his options “it is a month trial period, if you make it that far then it’s a rolling six month contract” he paused, smiled for the first time “the job is office based, come dressed as wonder woman if it makes you happy. By happy I mean sell more office products. Start Monday at 9 sharp”

———//———

After a short induction my manager David remotely monitored my calls first day after which monitoring became random, same as everyone else, my coworkers were mostly female or students or both. We worked 4 days, office hours and a lunch break which we all spent in the staff canteen.

Dress code was casual or smart, rarely casual-smart. Getting the six month contract was more important than silencing the voices in my head, no matter how loudly they shouted I stayed in male clothes that first month, chinos and tees mostly, sometimes jeans and top that passed as mens.

Coworkers began to rib me after Violet and Karen passed by my cubical when I was slightly mirroring a customers accent. Lunch break we chatted about how people often let their guard down when talking with similar sounding people on the phone. 

I had become a little complacent as my months trial neared an end. I called a prospect who had put the phone down on me a week prior, I introduced myself as Imogen, talked at length using my female voice and got an order. 

There had been whispering around the water cooler, even David warned the group that hung out there. I took no notice, I wanted to make bonus, I wanted to be contract.

The lunch break buzzer sounded. Olivia stood, her hand over the phone “customer wants to add to her order Imogen?…do we have an Imogen David?”

Olivia and David looked around the office. Violet, Karen and Winifred sniggered from within their cubicles.

“I’ll take that” I said. 

“OK Imogen” Olivia said as she burst into laughter. 

———//———

“After the ribbing you got for using a female voice you’ll need balls to dress as a woman” Mr Grenwend said as he handed me my six month contract “and your ticket for Saturdays New Year dance”

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