Abigail

My worries began slowly at first then speeded up - friends and workmates were settling into long term relationships in ever increasing numbers. 

If the trend continued I would soon be the only singleton left sitting at some sad singles bar. 

Saturday night and I was at home! - alone, feeling sorry for self, listening to Miyuu (what else?), researching; how do bisexual people cope in a long term relationship…all this while couples were sitting on sofas together and binge watching a Netflix or at dinner parties of two, four, six, or some other unknown but even number. 

And I had been wanting some of that for a while - not the dinner parties, the other thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not some desperate thirty-year-old shelf-person, or a one nightist, I mean Monica and I were together for a few months. And there was Brian before her - we lasted nearly as long. While I am being so honest about everything I might as well admit I was the reason for the breakup both times. I do it time and time again. 

I find a perfectly nice partner - take Monica for instance - we reached the stage of talking about buying an apartment, looking at furniture, debating tile or laminate then my old unsuretyness kicks in. I remember the day Monica was talking about what colour walls we should choose for our bedroom, and all the while I am wondering if I chose the wrong option, and I’m not thinking wall colour here - I mean am I meant to be with a man? And I feel like I’ve cheated by just having the thought, Monica deserves better than me. 

My iPhone rings, its close to midnight and I do not recognise the landline but answer anyway. Ray (ex-colleague Ray) says he is calling from a bar, stranded in the city, without wallet, cards, phone. I should have asked how he knew my number, I mean who even reaches out to a coworker from a year ago? Instead I offer to go get him. As we talk I check the text that pinged, an involuntary giggle escaped. 

Then Ray is thanking me, said he had spotted someone he knew and would get a lift, he wanted to buy me lunch to apologise for ringing at midnight and my offering to help then hung up. 

A couple of texts later he is buying me lunch in a trendy café. I had saved my question “last night was random…how did you know my number?”

Ray blushed, drained his glass and claimed he just happened to have my number on a scrap of paper in his pocket. 

We talked about when we worked together, other coworkers “you still speak to Monica?” I said, teasing “you two speak recently?” 

Ray kept his eyes on his empty wine glass. I was getting little tingle down there, like I do when someone asks me out and I know I am going to say yes. But not straight away.

“When did I speak to Monica?” Ray said, continued staring at his glass, I stayed silent, he needlessly swallowed, noisily “perhaps sometime before I spoke to you”

“Did Monica suggest you to call me for help?” I was enjoying his squirming. Ray knows I am bi and some guys have a bit of a thing about that, not that I am suggesting for a second Ray is one of those guys.

“I wanted to ask you out when we worked together but…well I am a bit shy and I left it too long”

“All this is about that, the midnight phone call, texts, lunch, all to tell me you wanted to ask me out last year” I paused, let out a soft laugh, a kind laugh, to let him off the hook a little “You know Monica and I still talk, text, right?”

“She told you I was phoning from home?” Blushing Ray said 

I nodded and leant in for an it’s okay kiss on his cheek “while we were talking”

Ray slipped off the hook and seamlessly into lunch-chat, the sort you have with a friend. As we left the café I mentioned how good the food was and slipped in how relaxed I had felt “perhaps that is because we know loads more about each other than most first-daters”

Peacock Ray looked pleased.

“Abigail…” Ray rarely started a conversation with my full given name, even rarer was talking after sex, we always silently spoon-to-sleep, that is our thing. I wiggled into him and U-hmm’d “If you need a different type of, well friend, you know, I mean I don’t want that to be a problem for us”

“You mean if I ever need sex with a woman?”

“Yea…that. I mean I don’t want to know anything about who or where, just that it should not be a secret” Ray nuzzled into my neck “not be something that might threaten us”

We had been dating and exclusive over a half-year - a record for me - and everything; nights on the sofa, binge watching a Netflix, cooking Ray’s favourite dinner, laying in bed until lunchtime daydreaming together…all those things that I had envied friends having felt a thousand times better now they were my things as well. As I told Ray all this and that I was not going to risk us by letting my bisexuality threaten what we have, I felt Ray becoming aroused and me not far behind.

Ray and I reached the point in our relationship that had marked the beginning of the end with Monica - my rental apartment was due for renewal and Ray’s bedsit was too small for two. 

Out of the blue we are talking about buying an apartment in the city centre, have an offer accepted on an apartment in CityTower - a twelfth floor two bed and I was as ready for that. And so was Ray.

Whenever we are not working we are looking at furniture together, debating tile or laminate for the living room, now I am the one talking about what colour walls we could choose for our bedroom. 

We are a couple, a real couple buying our home, even talking about where we might retire to one-day. We agree on everything - like we have merged into one. ‘Ra-gail’ I overhear friends call us when talking about who was at a party. And we like that.

A week before we moved to CityTower all my worldly goods and me were squeezed into Ray’s bedsit. With only the bed, kitchen sink, and shower accessible we spent a lot of time in bed, excitedly talking, mostly about our new home. Ray spooned me, I was on my period and that was the time when Ray knew I really enjoyed breast play, I mean really, really, really, enjoyed.

In bed it was like we had been together for ever, had gotten past that awkward new-partner, new-sex; is that okay, like this? stage.

I’m nearing my big one, I reach behind to bring Ray to the edge so that we would finish together. I thought we knew everything that the other liked until I reached for Ray’s cock - missing in action, not there, Ray was like - well like a woman, I let my hand wander across his groin. 

What the hell I thought-gasped as I came, slid my hand back to where Rays hands caressed my breasts while grinding my butt into Rays cock-less groin “keep going” I begged over and over.

“Was that okay for you, okay like if I really was a woman?” Ray said as I calmed, I could feel the moisture on my back as I turned to spoon Ray, he had tucked his cock back between his legs. My once shy Ray thought it would be fun to give me what he called his bi-surprise.

“Where did you get that idea?” I said as I thumbed his nipples the way it drove Monica wild, then I hated myself for just thinking her name. If we did this again I would need a feminine thought-name for Ray. I slid my hand down Rays body to find his cock had returned.

“Internet” Ray said as I began stroking.

“I really liked what we did last night” I said as we took turns dressing for work in the shower room. Ray asked would it be okay if he did it again, I said “not okay…please consider it compulsory Ray” and laughed.

“I’m Ray again?” He raised an eyebrow. I asked what he meant by that “Nothing…a silly heat of the moment thing” 

“Tell me what I said” I would have put my hands on my hips to demonstrate my impatience but we were scrunched together eating cereal from one bowl.

“No big thing , you said don’t stop now Monica. Just a slip of the tongue”

I apologised several times, he giggled and said “I’ll take you confusing my hands for hers as a compliment” 

Being too close to look at each other seemed the perfect moment to say he needed a female name for when we do that next time, for when I get truly lost in the moment. He gave my knee a gentle squeeze, asked if I really want there to be a next time. I laughed “there had better be, I have another three days before I finish my period”

Ray left for work, I did not waste a second of the half hour before I needed to leave for my job. As I heard the lift doors closing I began searching my boxes for my firm control panty girdle - the one that is made from a sheer and shiny material, black, mid thigh length. I folded it so that the brand label was on display. I swapped out Rays sleep shorts under the pillow and set off for work.

We met at a café for dinner “I can’t wait to move” Ray said as we ate, he was getting cabin fever - we both were. We declined wine when the waiter arrived, a film we wanted to see was showing later - and a visit to the cinema would put off going back to the bedsit until we were ready to sleep. I was restless all through the film and began to regret the panty girdle thing. 

Had I overstepped, would Ray be shocked, would I be able to sneak them from under the pillow, why had I put his sleep shorts in the washer…round and round the thoughts went in my head.

“Look, Ray I have done something, a silly joke” I said as we walked home and told him everything.

“You want me to wear your underwear in bed?” He sounded shocked, I nodded, the world went blurry as tears filled my eyes making streetlights look like stars “and then repeat what we did last night?”

“It was a bad idea Ray”

“What? You think I am not good enough to wear your underwear now” Ray was laughing, but a nice laugh, he gave my waist a little hug as we walked.

“Just my pants” I said, we kissed “for now Mia” I knew he had heard when he whispered Mia…Mia…cute.

Ray laughed when he pulled the panty girdle from beneath the pillow and saw the label “Mia…I like it…is that the brand name or did you sew that label in to name me?"

Even in his small shower room the floorspace was barely enough to get Ray into my panty girdle, he tucked himself back and under. I ran my hands down his hips, across his groin, perfect in (almost) every way. 

Grinding my butt into the slippery material felt wonderful and Ray/Mia was both skilful and willing. I fidgeted around, slid my hand inside “let me adjust you Mia” I eased his cock into his groin and settled back into his spoon and said again. As I guided his hands to my breasts I began to gyrate slowly into his groin. I knew Rays sex-breathing well enough to pace my movements and feel his wet warmth just as I reached my own peak.

A week in Rays bedsit was long enough to make us appreciate everything that our apartment in CityTower provided. We were a lift-ride away from the biggest shopping mall in the city, Ray had a five minute tram ride to work and I found local work as a barista.

Monica came to our housewarming party, she stayed over and Ray was making coffee when she came into our kitchen. “I was surprised you came alone” Ray said as if it was a question, I silently mouthed No at him “was Bethany working?”

Monica said she thought it not a good idea to mix her current partner with her exe and alcohol in one room.

“It would have been fine, I mean we did that exact thing Monica” Ray looked at me “perhaps we could go clubbing as a four some time”

“To VK? What do you think Abigail?” Monica said with a smirk

“What is VK?” Ray said

“That is not funny, it is a LGBT club Ray where I met Monica” I lipless-smiled at Monica, squeezed my eyes a little, gave her the evils, she is such a bitch sometimes. 

Ray and I were getting dressed for a night out “where shall we go, do you want to see what VK is like?”

“I don’t think VK is a good idea Ray” I said

“If you wanted to go there alone sometime, you know I would be okay with that” Ray said, I stared at him “I wouldn’t like it but I’d be okay…”

“Don’t ever say that again Ray, Monica suggested VK to be bitchy, to hurt” I had my serious face on “Get it into your head that I do not want other women. I only want you” I could see Ray was pleased at my outburst, I softened my voice to near simper “and Mia occasionally…if you are okay with that”

“Mia thinks you only chose her because she is same size as you” Ray said with a laugh.

“Stretchy pants fit anyone” I said returning the laugh “hold on a second…what else has Mia been trying on?” I was laughing

We had a meal, cinema, jazz bar night just like an old married couple. 

That was the beauty of CityTower - one night we could act like an old married couple, next night twenty-something clubbers, next night couch potatoes.

On my morning shift days we left the apartment at the same time, other times my shift began at lunch and other times I would be evening shift. Ray cooked evening shift days and me the others. 

I waited until I was on a weekend afternoon shift then hung one of my dresses on the outside of Ray’s closet as I dressed for work, left a freshly laundered panty girdle on our bed. I sent Ray a message ‘I hope Mia visits today, left a dress out I think she might like’

‘You hope Mia is here when you get home???’

I sent :-) 

My house slippers were missing, I could feel my heart racing as I barefooted it to the kitchen and threw my arms around Mia from behind “is that my dress Mia” I said letting my hot breath hit Rays neck, my hands ran felt the waist of his panty girdle “who said you could wear my clothes you bad girl?”

“You?”

“Just teasing, is it okay if I treat Mia like a girl” I kissed his neck, he shuddered, asked did I really want him to wear the dress all night “would you mind?”

“Only if you promise not to tell a soul” 

“Who would I tell that I came home and discovered my boyfriend Mia wearing my clothes?” I helped myself to a hug “dinner smells wonderful Mia”

I swapped shifts following week to; Saturday morning, Sunday off. That left me a few days to think about what I wanted Mia to be next time. Or would have if Ray had not acted first.

“I have been researching online” Ray said one evening, he had discovered men who wrote about wanting their wives to encourage them to crossdress, and women who wrote about feminising their husbands.

“Husbands and wives?” I threw a blush, giggled, and bedroom voiced“wait…are you proposing?” 

Ray returned the blush “as far as the crossdressing scene goes read boyfriend / girlfriend for husband / wife” he said adding that we could talk about the other thing another time. 

Ray certainly had researched - some pages bookmarked, a list of fiction in his history. I skimmed the bookmarks. Men getting caught wearing female clothing was the theme in a couple of online stories Ray had bookmarked.

“Are you still awake Ray?” I said as I wriggled tighter into his spoon “I was thinking about those stories…do you think some couples use them as role play” 

“Perhaps” Ray said, his hips backed away slightly when I asked if he thought role play would be fun. 

I snuggled back in, felt his cock in my back, his hand on my hip, his breathing deepen “print out something for me that we could role play”

On a weekend without work or friends dropping by I braved the Saturday morning crowds - more window shopping than just-been-paid shopping. I walked toward CityTower and the lunch Ray was cooking.

I kicked off my street shoes, shuffled into my house slippers…

“Who is it?” Ray called out, he sounded nervous.

“Me, were you expecting someone else?” I walked through to the kitchen, took a wine glass from the cupboard, breathed in the mouth watering spagbol aroma.

“Don’t come in” Ray called from the bathroom.

Why do people say that? I opened the bathroom door, gasped, Ray stood at the bathroom sink facing the mirror with his cock in his hand.

“I can explain Abigail” Ray said as he turned toward me, his mini skirt was pulled up, too late his hand moved away from his cock, he had already passed the point of no return.

I still had the wine glass in my hand and quickly stepped forward, caught his cum in it as his cock pumped and pumped. 

I could see my pink bra beneath my diaphanous white blouse he had teamed up with my favourite stretchy mini, as I lowered my eyes sheer holdups came into view, then a pink thong around his ankles and finally the highest heels I own. His empty cock continued to jerk in mid-air.

“Oh I know you will explain, but first tell me what do you call yourself? Surely not Ray”

“Let me change then I’ll explain everything Abi…please” Ray was blushing “Mia” I pretended not to understand “I call myself Mia, I’ll change”

“Lunch is nearly ready Mia, pull your panties up and we can eat” I held out the glass, smirked “enjoy your pre lunch cocktail Mia” Mia looked horrified “I said enjoy” 

Mia took the glass “please don’t Abi” 

I stared, smiled, waited. Mia emptied the glass, swallowed as I said “Did you think I would not notice my clothes had been moved, I have been watching your games for a while now Mia” I smiled “I’ll put the pasta on while you sort your clothes out” I laughed “you look so cute Mia, planning to go clubbing?” I walked to the pile of towels folded on a shelf, took out the camera nestled in them. Rays eyes widened.

We sat leisurely forking pasta “you really are a wonderful cook Mia”

“Thank you Abigail” Mia sipped his wine “can we talk about the glass…and the camera. They weren’t part of the role play plan”

“You looked so shocked Mia, kudos for how you necked it” I giggled, Mia shuddered as I talked about how willing he was to drink his cum “one small step away from giving a blow job, are you getting hard thinking about that Mia?”

I leant across, laughed as he put a hand in his lap “let me take care of that for you”

“I am NOT hard Abigail”

I laughed again, nicely this time “shame I was going to…” I formed an 0, bobbed my head. As Mia removed his hand his skirt tented, I set Mia’s home movie playing on the iPad then set to work on his cock.

He wanted to delete the video, “I don’t think so Mia” I said, isn’t being forced to do stuff what my feminised boyfriend fantasises over. 

Mia said “in role play pretending to be forced does not require a blackmail video”

“Are you still talking about role play?” I confessed I found having the video a real turn on “I mean its not like I would really show them to anyone” 

“Okay then”

“Please do not interrupt Mia, you did not let me finish” I said, Mia relaxed, I did what Ray calls my ‘evil smirk’ “as I was saying its not like I would really show them to anyone…unless Mia is being difficult and refuses to do something I want her to do”

 

“Them?” Ray had picked up on my plural-tease, I laughed, said I needed a shower. When I walked into the living room an aroused Mia was watching the bathroom video again “can I see the other Mia videos?”

“Shall we watch a film before we go out” I said, Mia looked up, saw my outfit “with both of us dressed to impress it would be rude not to go clubbing” I wore my second favourite clubbing clothes as Mia still wore my favourites.

 

“Out? You mean with me dressed like this?”

“Dressed like that you would drive the men wild” I snuggled into Mia on the sofa, her shampoo, her body spray, her stockinged legs against mine “would you mind if we stayed in tonight Mia?” I kicked off my heels, used a toe to flip Mias’ heels off then tucked my legs under me and pulled a throw over our legs. I had never really spoken about this side of me to Ray, well why would I have, two girls settled into binge watching rom-coms was something I never expected to be a half of again.